Ning,

      Do you know when i kiss you, everything around me becomes so blur. And i know then only thing in my mind is you. And i know you are the one that i am supposed to kiss for the rest of my life. But the moment i have you i want to laugh, at the same time want to cry. i feel so lucky that i found you and i feel scared that you will go away.

      Two months it aint long enough to say forever, but i am sure we are we will getting closer to it. Do you remember the things we used to say?  Dont you think we have a good time? Shall i say sweet memories? Dear, I feel so nervous when i think of the time we together. Dear, i will keep our yesterday in my heart, today in my mind and future on my hand. Dear, I guarantee our time together will be a tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, truely deep in my heart, you're the only one for me.

       If i cant have you right now, i will wait. i know soetime i might get so tense but i understand i cant speed up the time. i can wait because there is no doubt that you are in my heart.....eternity.

                                                                           25/11/2007      

                                                                a day before she goes

I don't wana talk about the things we've gone through, nothing more to say,it is destiny.

 Don't hang your head in sorrow and please don't cry. I know how you feel inside and don't you know i feel the same. What i can do is keep telling u that he won't play with you, won't cheer you up, won't jump at you when you step into the house. And keep telling you that you couldn't hug him when you're sleeping, he couldn't walk with you at the garden (coz he is walking in the garden of eden alone), you couldn't carry him on your small tiny shoulder (even he doesn't has weight at all now), you couldn't call her name coz nobody will respond to you, you couldn't bring him out for dinner coz nobody will say he is "handsome". But you can feel the warmness he gave to you, so warm, so warm deep inside your heart (Should I say that is the place he is going)?
    Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace. I dream at night, I can only see your face. I look around but it's you i can't replce. Every breath you take, every move u make, every bark you make, every step you take, I'll be missin' you (Every Breath You Take- The Police)

Rest In Peace
WE MISS YOU

To Boddah pronounced

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee.

language=javascript>This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me I do but it's not enough.

　　I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be.

　　Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, empathy.

　　Kurt Cobain

　　Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.

　　Please keep going Courtney

　　For Frances

　　For her life which will be so much happier without me. I Love you. I love you!

 Sometimes I ask myself, What did I do to deserve someone like you. Coz' with your kind hearted, you never leave people all blue. You have given me so much from the beginning until now; To me, it seems like committing to a vow. Though you've given me things that I don't think I earned; You never ask me for anything in return.   
     Today I'm giving you this gift where in your heart forever it will stay. I appreciate you for the kind of person that you are; If you look in the sky, to you belong the shinest star. My Birthday Wish is for you to stay the same and never change; Coz' with you nothing seems too strange.
    On your birthday, I wish that you're really bless; Bless for being the very best. Now, this is from me to you, Hoping that you have a Happy Birthday.